


Oh,Love,  You're  Not Alone

by babydraco



Category: Actor RPF, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies) RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, As in underwear from the 1920s, Bechdel Test Pass, Biphobia, Cis Girl Ezra, Cisswap, Dancing and Singing, F/F, Female Colin, Implied Relationships, Lesbian AU, Masturbation, Period Panties, Rule 63, like seriously, vaguely referenced polyamory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-23 01:11:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9633434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babydraco/pseuds/babydraco
Summary: Based on thisfantastic beasts kink meme promptColleen Farrell, divorced 40 year old mother of two and recovering addict,  winds up on a date with her  strange 23 year old costar  Esther Miller...who has been crushing on her for months.  It's time to have an honest conversation.  Or is it.





	1. Chapter 1

“Dark hair. Kinda tall and leggy. Really fuckin' pretty!” Colleen raised her voice, trying to make the landlord in the retro rustic Silver Lake bar pay attention to her. She hadn't been out on a..was this an actual date? On a date in months. It had been ridiculous trying to get away from the kids and she just might lose it if it turned out Esther had meant a different bar. If she couldn't manage to meet up with the source of months worth of filthy fantasies while they still had the excuse of being on a press tour together. They would lose that chance soon enough, since Colleen hadn't yet been invited back for the _Fantastic Beasts_ sequels. She pretended to understand why, pretended she was okay with that, to concentrate on being happy for her young costar who was set to have a large role in the next film. 

“Lady, every girl in here's some level of babe. I got you, a hot cougar type, asking me if I seen another hot chick, and like how am I supposed to rate the hotness you're looking for? Like when the chick asking me looks like you, I mean, who do you look at and go, now that girl is HOT?” 

“Thanks? She's like, a naughty Disney Princess lost on the way to Coachella?”

“Oh, _her_. “ He smirked. “She came in an hour ago with her little red head girlfriend. They're holding court in the back.”

Girlfriend. Of course Esther was off limits. Why was that surprising? Fate was always cruel. It's just...that she could have mentioned that during all that teasing on set. Unless this was new, and she'd been trying to give Colleen a shot and gave up and moved on. There they were, the petite redhead half draped over an armchair, drink in hand, a black girl in a fedora was draped over the other half, and they were watching Esther kicking some guys arses at pool. Colleen had once been pretty good at the game herself, and could tell she wouldn't be doing quite as well if they weren't all so distracted and mildly drunk. 

Esther saw her, letting out a delighted gasp over the rim of the cocktail she had paused to sip at. She abandoned her game to hurry over, black velvet booties tapping on the floor, and throw her arms around Colleen in a tight, enthusiastic hug. Her perfume was something vanilla, with bourbon undertones, a little girly, a little masculine, a little hippie chick rock n'roll. Colleen could feel the lace of Esther's bra through her thin silk shirt. Esther was _really great at giving hugs_.

“I love hugging you,” Esther sighed. Redhead and Fedora wandered over with knowing smiles. 

“We're heading out,” Redhead murmured. “Unless you like, need us to stick around?” 

“I think we're okay. I'll call you if she tries to ax murder me. Let me walk you out, though. ” All the girls trailed toward the door, all hugging and kissing and giggling softly, it was impossible to tell which one the actual girlfriend was. Just a puppy pile of lovely hipster baby lesbians. Esther returned to the bar, she took Colleen's left hand and squeezed it softly. “Thought maybe you weren't coming.”

“I had to get my son settled in. I'm paying the nanny extra tonight but I don't like to leave for the night without seeing him,” Colleen explained as Esther pulled her with gentle determination toward the bar. 

“You're such a good mom, I like you _more_ now. So,” she addressed the bartender this time, “I'll have another one of...the thing...I was drinking. The S'mores one. And a like a ginger ale for her?” 

“A coffee,” Colleen said. 

“A ginger coffee,” Esther said, tapping the bar top lightly. 

“Normal coffee, don't put fuckin' soda in it, that's disgusting.” But she was impressed at Esther's ability to realize and remember Colleen was in recovery. 

“Don't you -wouldn't you rather be home with your uh your girlfriend?” Colleen asked as they retreated to a comfortable booth by the fireplace. 

“She's not my girlfriend.” Esther sipped at her drink, which appeared to be made out of chocolate and marshmallow vodka. “None of them are.Well, not lately or right now. We just missed each other and I didn't want to hang out in the bar alone until you got here. I can make a friend anywhere but it's not safe, you know? Superman's not here to walk me to my Uber this time.“

“I assumed you were taken,” Colleen said sheepishly. Esther somehow still managed not to elaborate on which woman she was talking about. Esther gave her a little half smirk and a wink.

“Dude. I don't belong to anyone. Anyway, we're having a cock fight. ”

“What?”

“A little disagreement about cocks. I still like them, I was even engaged to a guy for a little while. She's going through an All Het Sex is Icky phase. You know, lips which touch penis shall never touch mine. And I'm going through a phase where I'm not doing exclusivity. ”

“I'm glad you weren't already on a date,” Colleen said. “I hoped this would- that we could pick up where we almost left off during the shoot. No pressure for anything more than a bit of fun.”

“Mhmm.” Plump lips pursing skeptically, a little eyebrow raise. 

“So, tell me more about this philosophy of yours, the non exclusivity.” The downfall of any attempt at casual sex, Colleen had learned through painful experience, was not being on the same page. 

“The world is full of fascinating, beautiful people looking for mutual pleasure. I don't know how to love just one person when I could love everybody. I'm 23, there's a lot of experiences left to have before I find the like, three or four people I could be tied down to forever.”

“To be honest, that's an approach I never considered,” Colleen said. “I mainly slept around and felt bad about it later. The perks of growing up in Ireland.”

“See, that's how they get you. If you're more like 'hell yeah I'm a slut but at least I'm respectful of my partners,' what can they do about it? Letting other people decide what you should be ashamed of is what gives them any power they have over you.” 

Colleen had noticed, in six months of working with Esther, that she got away with a lot simply by ignoring the existence of the rules, which left other people too confused to argue. But surely there had to be repercussions, so Colleen asked about it. 

“Um. Yes.” Esther frowned. “From the first time I tried experimenting with girls to...more recently when I came out as queer. It's one thing to do what you want, it's another to tell people you're going to break their rules and put specific labels on what you're doing. Then they get _so angry_. Like your sex tape.”

“I-I- well, maybe?” Colleen rested her chin on her hand, glancing around at the bar, which was much emptier , dimmer and quieter than when she'd walked in. She had grown less mortified by the tape leak, or maybe she was just getting better at pushing the anger down. 

“Sorry, didn't mean to bring that up. And you _don't_ have to talk about it. But like, if you'd filmed that same scene for a movie, people would be like 'she was doing a job, so it's okay' but you made the tape for your own pleasure. _Afterschool_ , which I made when I was basically still _jailbait_ has two scenes where I masturbate, in another one, I'm literally punching myself in the face, and there's one scene where I'm having sex in the woods and cleaning between my legs with the boyfriend's t shirt and that's _art_. I tell people about my real sexual identity, my grownup real life orientation, and everyone has an opinion. They said if I told the truth about myself, I'd never get a romantic leading lady role, which I guess was supposed to be some type of a threat.”

“Reminds me of Rizzo from _Grease_ ,” Colleen said. “That defiant solo she gets, comparing herself to Sandy, which is really all about the consequences we suffer for being sexual for our own sake.”

“ _There are worse things I could do,_  
Than go with a boy or two,  
Even though the neighborhood  
thinks I'm trashy,  
And no good,  
I suppose it could be true,  
But there are worse things I could do,” Esther sang softly. Colleen stared, utterly charmed by the performance of that light, smoky voice, well suited to rock but with hints that she could have really belted it out to the cheap seats if she wasn't holding back. 

“ _I could stay home every night,_  
Wait around for Mr. Right.  
Take cold showers every day,  
And throw my life away,  
On a dream that won't come true.  
I could hurt someone like me,  
Out of spite or jealousy.  
I don't steal and I don't lie...” She broke off into tipsy giggling, her laugh was musical too. “A 1970s Broadway musical about the 1950s takes on the Madonna/ Whore Dichotomy in a breakaway pop hit!”

The handful of remaining patrons clapped. She ducked her head, smiling modestly. 

“You've got a beautiful voice,” Colleen remarked, after she stopped choking on her coffee. “You talked a bit, before, about being classically trained?” Again, trying not to let on too much that she'd spent an excessive amount of time learning everything public there was to know about Esther Miller. 

“The Metropolitan Opera Children's Chorus, yeah.”

“I'm impressed. But you're obviously not quite an opera star now-” She'd put her foot in her mouth, clearly, it was subtle but Esther's smile faltered. 

“When I was younger I read this book, called _Come a Stranger._ It's about a little girl who wins a scholarship to ballet camp. She loves it, her whole life revolves around ballet, until she hits puberty. They take her aside and tell her she won't be invited back next year, she's not what they need anymore.” Esther took a faint, shuddery breath like she was holding back the urge to stutter. “They didn't want her, after her body changed.”

“Well, I do know what that's like,” Colleen said. “Over 35 actress with two kids and all. But I bet that girl went on to find something just as cool to do with her life.”

“She joins the tennis team.”

“I meant...” Colleen said “the other girl I thought we were talking about.”

“Oh, right, me!” She giggled all like the tinkling of bells again. “I got to make movies and tv and other types of musical theater instead. I've been lucky enough to get roles in two of my favorite stories _ever_. I'm in a band, that's going great. It's a lot more fun than the Met ever would've been. I got to try out a whole other world of music, I'm performing for people who actually want to see me perform because they enjoy it and not because tickets are a status symbol. So, what about you? What's your _awkward show biz root_?”

“Teaching country line dancing on Irish telly.”

More delighted giggling.

“Okay, you have to show me, I've never line danced before.” Esther hopped up and grabbed her hand. “Up! Up! You can teach all of us!” And that encouraged other patrons to join in wanting to be taught the steps, because of course Esther could instigate a random dance party in a room full of strangers. Esther herself picked up the moves pretty quickly and easily. They weren't in perfect sync, but careful repetition got them close, and Colleen wished that line dancing allowed for more intimate touching. So she decided to go for it and teach everyone the Texas Two Step just for more opportunities to actually touch the younger woman. 

Once she'd got the hang of the steps, she helped Esther pick and pay for a few songs on the jukebox, easy, casual country songs. 

“You can touch me more,” Esther whispered when they moved into a dangerously close Two Step. She took Colleen's hands and gently placed them on her hips. Although her frame was still thinner, more willowy than Colleen, Esther had slightly more weight and muscle definition than Colleen remembered. It was probably due to her Justice League role, or maybe it had just been hidden by Credence's costume and body language during _Fantastic Beasts._ But now those firm little hips were shifting under her hands. The music was growing slower, more intimate. Colleen found the choice of song intriguing, a country duet cover of Bruce Springsteen's “Brilliant Disguise”. Their dance changed to something less easily defined, half making up their own steps as an excuse to touch each other. Esther's big dark eyes sparkled and the firelight reflecting off her skin gave the illusion of an aroused flush. Her dancing had slowed to something hazy, really nothing more than gently swaying her back against Colleen's front, peeking from under her eyelashes with a coy smile. 

“We should get out of here,” Esther whispered. 

The lyrics of the song echoed in Colleen's mind, was it a warning? Was she being _played_ right now? Nobody in this business was truly genuine all the time, and like all actors who started young, Esther Miller must have a hundred tricks up her sleeve for getting her own way and leaving destruction in her wake. But Colleen hadn't been allowed a selfish moment in a long time. 

“My place or yours?”


	2. Chapter 2

“You did great, are you a dancer too? You have that ballerina body.” They stepped out into the warm night air, hands almost brushing each other. 

“Well, my mom is a dancer. I took lessons but I was never serious about it. I never had her level of talent. I went through this long period where I was tripping over my own feet and getting tangled up in my legs.” She twirled down the sidewalk, arms held up in a classic ballet pose. Her curly, chin length bob bounced. 

“Why did you pick that last song?” Colleen asked. She couldn't not know. 

“ It reminds me of Credence and Graves,” Esther admitted. “Two people who are sort of trying to play each other. And like, having Pants Feelings for someone who turned out to not be real. Not just in terms of their affection not being genuine, in Credence's case, it's literally about stolen identities.” 

“That makes a lot of sense. She's wondering if she ever met the real Miss Graves at all.”

“And I've been doing all the talking tonight,” Esther said. “Sorry! I've been like, straight up babbling at you.”

“No, it's alright. I love listening to what you have to say,” Colleen assured her. “I always have. Your brain is fascinating. Anyway, what other music makes you think of Credence?”

“All the Peter Gabriel and Genesis. Some U2, definitely. And of course, no question, _American Idiot_ ”

“ _All_ the Peter Gabriel? Even 'Shock the Monkey'?”

“Okay, no, and now I'm picturing Credence walking around singing 'Sledgehammer' under her breath. But 'The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway' is an amazing potential fanfic title.”

“Fan...fic?” Colleen had heard something about this, fans writing their own stories featuring the adventures of movie and tv characters. “Do you uh actually read that stuff?”

“Not much any more,” Esther admitted. “It was comforting when I was a teenager, coming home every day from my prep school bullies. But now that I'm part of Harry Potter _and_ The Justice League, I try to stay away. I don't wanna know. Plus, I don't have the time, I'm basically working three jobs, they're fun jobs I'm lucky to have but mom and dad don't pay my bills anymore...then I secretly do it sometimes anyway, because it turns out a lot of being busy is hurry up and wait.” 

“Oh, I know. Airports, flights, makeup chairs, sitting around waiting for scenes to start. If you don't have something to read, or a little game to play on your phone... I used to use sex to pass the time too, when I had a hot thing going on with a costar.” Colleen pressed the keyfob and popped the locks on her car. She held the passenger side door open for Esther, who slid in. 

“Thanks. If we'd hooked up on set, is that what I would have been? Something to pass the time?”

“No,” Colleen insisted. “No. I...hope not. And I would have tried to make sure, even if it was, that you never regretted it. Put your seat belt on.”

“I'm not saying I would've minded,” Esther said. She didn't reach for the seat belt. Colleen was trying to learn how to pick her battles, she wasn't going to fight with a 23 year old about seat belts. Colleen pulled slowly into traffic, aiming for the hotel most of the cast was staying in. She owned a house in town, so she was taking advantage of the opportunity to be home. Except for tonight. Which she definitely still felt guilty about. 

It was late and LA went to bed earlier than people thought, so they reached Esther's hotel uncomfortably quickly. Esther quietly directed her to an empty space in the parking garage near the back door. She used her keycard to get them in through a back hallway. In the lift , she pressed the button for the seventh floor, then stepped back and stared at the floor as she clutched the brass railing around the wall. 

“Alright?” Colleen asked. 

“I'm not a fan of elevators.” 

Colleen bracketed Esther's body with her arms, she dipped her head until their lips were a breath apart. 

“Can I kiss you?” she whispered. 

“Uh huh,” Esther gasped softly. Her lips were as plump and soft as Colleen had always imagined. They kissed gentle and lazy for the next seven floors, nobody else got on, and Esther was calm by the time they stepped into the hall. She pulled Colleen in for another kiss, they clumsily attempted to make out and walk at the same time. 

“I have to ask,” Colleen said. “You've had a couple of drinks...”

“You need to know if I'm capable of consent.” Esther smiled knowingly. “I had two and a half cocktails which were half candy anyway. Don't worry about it. I've wanted this since I saw you tonight and if I stop wanting any part of it I'll _tell you_.” 

“Just checking.” 

“I'm not drunk, I'm _always_ like this.”

Fair enough. Although that had always been Colleen's excuse when she was drinking and using, if you had been doing it often enough for long enough, how did you know who you really were? But her walk was, if not steady, at least she wasn't falling down and she certainly had no trouble sliding her keycard or finding the light switch in her suite. It was on a dimmer switch and she didn't turn it all the way up, just enough to create a romantic atmosphere. 

“Do you want something to drink?” Esther asked. “I only have water and green smoothies.” 

“Maybe later.” Colleen moved further into the room, following Esther, who walked backwards and toyed with the buttons on her blouse. Colleen watched those long, elegant fingers exposing more pale skin, until the fabric slid off her skinny shoulders and then Esther tripped and fell backwards on the couch in an ungainly sprawl. She giggled in surprise. “Clumsy girl.” 

Esther's small, round breasts rose and fell with her breathless laughter. Her necklace, a little blue glass charm in the shape of a stylized hand shifted with the movement. The parts of her bra which weren't covered in stylized lace flowers were see through, hard pink nipples peeked out shyly. 

“Pretty...necklace.” Colleen smiled down at her. 

“It's like a Jewish folklore thing, a good luck charm,” Esther said. She shifted, and her little breast pressed into Colleen's cupped hand. Colleen lightly rubbed the nipple, making Esther reach up to curl her hands in Colleen's hair and moan softly. “It unclasps in the front. My bra. ”

“Someone's a pushy bottom,” Colleen laughed. She gave the other nipple just as much attention, enjoying Esther's happy sighing. 

“You didn't expect that? I guess you don't spend too m-much t-time on L Chat?” 

“I figured. But I'm not much of an internet forum person, it seems like mental torture. Does “L Chat” mean if someone saw us come up here, they'll all know about it by tomorrow?” She unzipped Esther's boots, slowly sliding them off and dropping them to the floor, where they made soft thunks on the plush carpet. She massaged Esther's bare feet. 

“Um,” Esther said, biting her lip. “Does that bother you?”She unzipped her skinny jeans with shaking fingers and shoved them down her thighs, revealing that she wore no knickers and was definitely not a habitual waxer. 

“Does it change anything between us tonight if I'm honest?” Colleen asked. Yes, it would bother her. It would absolutely bother her. She wasn't proud of it but she wasn't ready to explain her complicated sexually to the public beyond the occasional coy joke about kissing Angelina Jolie. 

“Please lie to me,” Esther said, laying there looking even more beautiful all bare and vulnerable. Colleen lied. And Esther let her spend an hour trying to find the highest note she could make the girl hit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am on Tumblr as princessbenjamin

**Author's Note:**

> The song Esther sings is [There are Worse Things I Could Do](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iBdr2N7Dow)  
> They dance to [this version of Brilliant Disguise](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y24Cs5lTgLw) (which is probably not available on jukeboxes but leave me a little poetic license)  
> [How to Texas Two Step](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nq4VnaXYz4E)


End file.
